day 71 - the circle of life

I'm having a problem recently. I hate school. I don't enjoy it. I hate classes, I hate homework, I hate having to talk to teachers. I hate having to fill out paperwork. I hate getting emails about all this money I have to pay and I have no idea what to do about it. I hate having so much shit to take care of. I can see why people lose sight of everything in their lives, its so easy when you have so much shit that doesn't matter put in front of you. People say you should do what you want and you should do it now, but the problem is I don't really want to go to college. But I know everyone says that they regret going to college or that its really important to go to college. When people ask me about my major they ask me what I want to do with my life. Well if I was completely honest what I want to do with my life can't be put under a college major, or if it can it doesn't need one. I also hate how I'm watching myself go into debt. And everyone is just cheering me right on down. I'm so conflicted. I'm trying to improve myself and make myself happy but at the same time I feel bad because I don't want to everyone to just look at me as the guy who failed out of college because he was too lazy or what have you. I don't know what to do and I feel like I have nobody to ask. I feel like its too big of a decision for me. Life is hitting me right in the gut and I can't do anything but stagger around and wait for it to hit me again. Everything is telling me I don't want to be here and yet here I am.