I was actually pleasantly surprised by my Christmas. I wasn't expecting much at all, as we learned yesterday, but my step dad came to the rescue! I haven't talked to him hardly at all outside of "Hey Tod." and him kinda sorta teaching me to drive. But he got my 50 dollars for Christmas and made the Christmas dinner not suck by putting butter in stuff.
So he's alright in my book. Also, he has an iPad which is kinda cool. Also, for some reason, my mom got my siblings and I lottery tickets. Nobody got anything except I won another ticket, which I need to pick up tomorrow because THAT ONE COULD WIN ME TWO THOUSAND WASHINGTONS BITCH.
Then my step dad's family came over and my mom told me to shower and change shirts. But if this wasn't the occasion for a ripped up Zelda shirt, then what was? I also convinced myself that showering yesterday was the same thing as showering today.
As I came up to get food, I saw them, and they looked like regular white people. They had already met everyone else, and my mom just stared at me. "Can you say hi?" my mom told me. I could, but I'd rather get my food and be on my way, thank you very much. Then I ate the best damn mashed potatoes I've had in a long time. Then I went downstairs to play Monopoly with my brother and sister, and play World of Warcraft at the same time. It was great. DOUBLE GREAT. Also, I am a master at Monopoly when only playing with small children. Then they brought down some punch. wat. I tasted some. It tasted like cum. But not like I was drinking cum. Like my mouth came while I was drinking it. So I went and got some. You can tell me it's just Sierra Mist and Hawaiian Punch but I'll tell you that it's magic wine that Jesus stuck the tip of his penis in. I drank that shit up.
After I was done crushing at Monopoly, I played a ton of video games with my cousin. He argued religion with an uber Christian playing League of Legends on Christmas. It's funny because my cousin is a Christian, he just likes poking fun at people who have no idea what they're talking about. At one point, the argument went something like this.
"Do you think Hitler is evil?"
"Of course"
"Because he committed genocide, right?"
"Sure"
"God committed genocide by killing all the Egyptian first borns"
(this is where I pipe in)
"Also Moses"
(Marcus piping over)
"So God is evil, right?"
Silence...
It was pretty great watching him poke at someone's faith on Christmas day.
So at the end of the day I came out with a belly full of great food, some money, and the prospects of my dad coming home soon. Life is relatively good.
Oh, also, sorry for releasing Day 4 so late, but it is Christmas and I did a lot of stuff today. Well, a relatively large amount of stuff, anyway.
I'm thirsty, I'm gonna go get some more Christ Cum. Man, that would make a great energy drink name. Or Jesus Jizz.
Alright, I'm back. I saw a bottle of wine next to the bowl and I got excited because I thought maybe my mom poured some in, but she didn't. :[
Oh God, my brother is watching some video and all of a sudden I hear "CAUSE YOUR THE BEST, AROUND" I fucking love that song. Just give it a listen as we continue.
It's even better because it's the Karate Kid. I like this video because he beats a black kid in the lamest short fight ever.
God, I wish I could make money doing this blog thing. Maybe I'll sell you guys some buttons. Is that what you kids like nowadays, buttons and shit? Back in my day we had to pick between buttons OR shit. Now you kids get both? There's no justice these days.
You know who's cool as shit? Batman. You know why? Because he doesn't have a super power. He was like "Hey, I wanna do that." And he fucking did. He was like "I've got gadgets and shit! KERPOW!" and Spiderman was like "oh I just got bit by a spider one day, lol" and Superman is like "I'm an alien, teehee". Batman would win a super hero fight because he would pay Morgan Freeman to janitor him up some anti-super hero hat that is fucking cool looking.
Yeah, that's right, that shit has three lasers. And look how happy it makes Batman. He doesn't even have to look at who he's fighting to know that he's fine. You know why? Because he's the best around.
Alrighty, it's late and I want to get this thing to you guys so, I hope you had a great Christmas and have a great break.
Your guardian angel that watches you way too often,
Marcus
T-shirts. We want t-shirts.
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