"So she gave me some mom tips, because I mean, you're the first one, I don't know what I'm doing." - Mom
Then she continued to explain to me how not having debt was better than having debt. Her quote definitely fought it's way through a number of quotable quotes, namely, "Can I offer you some advice? Just whip it out. It's worked for me 4/5 times. And the fifth time she was just looking at my piercing anyway." - guy on WoW.
The World of Warcraft community can be great sometimes.
Some people have been wondering about the name of my little domain here. Honestly, I just kind of thought it up. I'm not sure how, maybe it was fated. But it does remind me of Jonah and the whale, which is a story I've always liked. Partially because the Veggie Tales version was awesome. But I like the idea of being in a completely hopeless situation and yet being saved anyway by some greater force. Also the fact that apparently whales don't have digestive fluids in their stomachs so if you get eaten by one you can just kind of walk around in there for a while until you get lonely.
I have recently been thinking about life spans and how they should affect how we live. My mom was talking to me about my step dad's mom who died of breast cancer at the age of 53, which also happens to be the fate of my grandmother. Except it was a different cancer. I think. Anyway, the more I think about it, if I were to undergo a similar fate then I'm already almost half way through with my life. And that is definitely a scary thought. The fact that you can potentially spend all your life preparing for the last part, and then never getting there. That's like if you go to a restaurant and you don't eat very much of the main course because you want to eat a lot of dessert, but then the dessert is celery. Now you're just hungry and sad, and you probably wished you had eaten more. Yet, every day we say "I'll pass on the potatoes" because we're just waiting for the dessert. Well, why can't you eat both, huh? Why can't you have steak AND cake? That would be fucking awesome. I love cake.
Which, by the way, reminds me that my dad is coming back tomorrow and I will be celebrating my birthday because he wasn't here on that day so I'm getting cake. And I'm gonna eat it, too. Take that, common phrases! I just looked a gift horse in the mouth AND bit the hand that feeds me.
I've also begun to have a recent obsession with Deadmau5. Mostly because I want to be him at concerts. Check it.
God, I wanna do that. I need some techno equipment. Some day, I will be the world's greatest cynic comedian/techno artist. SOME DAY. Oh, and also a Pokemon Master.
In not as important news, my mom made some cookies today. Devon says they're not very good, but I like them because they actually have some trace amounts of sugar in them. It's like, if you usually work for no pay, and then suddenly your boss pays you two bucks an hour. You're like "Fuck yeah, I'm hittin' up the club tonight and I'm gonna make it rain on these mufukkas" but everyone else is like "Getting paid two bucks an hour? Do I look Chinese to you?"
...
Get it? Because in China they don't get paid as much on average because they are suffering from an overpopulation problem. Ha.
You know what would be weird? If guys gave birth through their chests and fed babies with their penises and girls impregnated guys with their breasts. Woah. Bras would be condoms. And dildos would be bottles. Shit man, that's fucked up.
God, these cookies are good. And so is this orange soda. I felt obligated to draw you guys a picture, so I drew a cactus with a sun.
If you don't like it, then touch it. Get it? Because cacti are spiky and so if you touch them they hurt you and if you don't like my picture then I want you to get hurt. Bitch. I feel like you can add bitch as a separate sentence to the end of anything and make it sound cool.
I just ate some of grandma's home made cookies. Bitch.
Honey, I think I may have herpes. Bitch.
I just helped raise 10,000 dollars for a stem cell research fund! Bitch.
You can try your own, I'm sure you can come up with some more creative ones. Bitch.
I like Earthbound because it's the only store where you can buy salty lamps AND hermit crabs. Also any store that sells hermit crabs is okay in my book. Also I have a book. It's titled "Things That are Okay" by Marcus Mayhew.
TL;DR: I wish I could live my life inside a whale as Deadmau5 while playing with hermit crabs and looking gift horses in the mouth while marketing my book by eating sub par cookies. Bitch.
Your Platonic Lover,
Marcus.
Bitch.
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