What am I kidding? Of course you did. You're my bud. You're my friend! With benefits!
First on the Agenda I would like to explain why I was gone in a little bit of detail. I haven't seen my dad in almost a year, and he got the money together to come out a little after Christmas. I went over to my dad's house in Ozark where my step mom has been this entire time. At first I thought I would be popping in and out every day to do stuff with people over break like I had originally intended, but then I started to realize that there isn't really anything I prioritize over spending time with my dad for Christmas and New Year's Eve. Ultimately, you only get to spend so many days with the people around you, so you should do it when you can, especially when it's someone you love.
In other news, I've been talking to some associates and discussing prices for potential shirts, and it looks like they'll be 7 dollars. That's a pretty good price for a shirt, and I make a dollar for each shirt. The only thing I would like to do before I start taking orders or whatever the fuck I need to do is get a design. I've already got one in mind, and I may actually draw it myself, but I feel like I need someone who is a little more artistically inclined to do it. But as of right now, it DOES look like the shirts will happen.
Whenever you post a blog entry you can tag it with labels to help people find blogs about your subject matter, I guess? And the example labels are "e.g. scooters, vacation, fall". Who the fuck is blogging about scooters and seasons? Like, I don't gain any understanding of what labels are or should be based on those examples. Fucking scooters. Scooters gonna scoot.
You know what I hate? Teachers that give you giant assignments over break. It's like, what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Isn't the whole point of a BREAK to give us a BREAK? Like, from what we normally do? Which is work? Same with the weekends. It's not like if you have an office job and you go home for the weekend then they give you work to bring back on Monday. At least I think they don't. ANYWAY MY POINT IS MRS. ROBERTS IS DUMB BECAUSE SHE GIVES US GIANT READING ASSIGNMENTS OVER BREAK AND I DIDN'T DO IT BECAUSE I WAS BUSY SPENDING TIME WITH MY DAD WHO I HAVEN'T SEEN IN A LONG LONG TIME WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Okay, I just read a shit ton of Pokemon comics. I'm gonna take a break. Let's talk about the new year a bit, shall we? Sophomore year was arguably the best year of high school for me. That was my "not care year". I liked it. I had a mantra and everything. I don't care. Something bad happens? I don't care. I think the fact that I gave it a name and everything helped with the whole positive outlook thing, and I want to go back to that. So this next semester and year are going to be not care year part 2. Ultimately, high school doesn't matter. And unless you go to some fancy pants college that everyone knows, college doesn't matter a lot either. You use high school to prepare for college, you use college to prepare for getting a career, you get a career to prepare for the end of your life to die. On a day to day basis, nothing in high school matters. Does that fact that I didn't do my English reading matter? Of course not. Five years from now, I won't remember it. And if you never remember something, and it didn't have enough repercussions to affect anything, then it's like it never happened.
Alright, I just had an argument with my mom. That wasted a good 30 minutes of my life. When she's on her deathbed I'm going to explain to her that she might as well have not been alive because she did nothing and is nothing. And then she'll die with the knowledge that her kids hate her and nobody ever loved her because she was a shitty person.
I don't care who you are, this is true. Nobody is special. Nobody has some quality that makes them worth something. Some people are better than other people. Some people are worse than everyone and don't deserve to exist because they're simply shitty people and the world would be better off without them around anymore. It's called the needs of the many vs. the needs of the few. Sure, maybe someone somewhere has enough ignorance to think my mom is a great person. But guess what? If everyone got to know her, I have no doubt in my mind that we'd be better off without her. I'm glad she thinks I'm a less-than-ideal son because pleasing that woman should be a sin.
Can you tell I'm mad? I'm mad. A week of my dad shows me how truly shitty she can be.
I need a fucking Xbox. I managed to scrape a little bit of money together from Christmas and convince my brother and now an Xbox sounds plausible. I just need to find a used one somewhere that will sell for 100ish dollars. I guess I have to wait until it's a time that's not after Christmas.
I don't always like saying this because I feel conceited when I do, but I guess being conceited has never been my priority in the first place. But I feel like I'm significantly more mature than everyone around me sometimes. And you may be thinking "but Marcus, you always do things like rub your nipples because you think it's funny!" Well, ignorant fucker, being silly is different from being mature. I've heard that pain is how we grow. And maybe that's why. Maybe because Ive been fucked over my entire life (or at least felt like I've been fucked over or convinced myself I have) then I've come to be a very mature person. Or maybe it's because I watched a lot of sitcoms when I was in first grade. I dunno, maybe both.
But you know what? I don't care. I don't care that my life is or was shitty. I'm just gonna look forward and try to make what I can out of what I have left here on earth. All I want from life is one thing. I want to be on my death bed, look up into the light on the ceiling above my bed and say "I'm happy with what I did with my time here." If I can do that, everything will be alright, and it will all have been worth it. So fuck you world. Fuck you for trying to tell me what makes me happy and what will lead to a successful life, because ultimately that comes down to the individual. And you know what? I'm fucking seventeen. I'm SUPPOSED to make mistakes so I know that the stupid thing I did was stupid. That's how you become a fucking person.
God, I love being a stubborn ass teenager. I love this blog. I can say whatever the fuck I want with no knowledge of what anything is.
So I guess my point of this last little ranty section is this: do whatever the fuck you want. In the end, it's not gonna matter what that guy thinks, it's not gonna matter what I think, it's not gonna matter what your family and friends think. All that's gonna matter is that you were happy and you did what you wanted. And this philosophy can apply even if you're a Christian. Because if Heaven is perfect, then everyone there will accept you for who you are, flaws and all, and they'll respect the fact that you did what you wanted with your life. But that's assuming Heaven is a material place like here, which doesn't really make sense because people aren't perfect, and what we do isn't perfect, but Heaven is. And everyone's definition of perfect is different. But maybe it's a personal thing. But maybe I'm getting into a discussion with myself about things I don't even believe in.
Always reminding you of your impending death,
Marcus ♥
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