I'd like to start today's carp by telling you something that kind of inspired me today. In Biology this morning I was looking at Mr. Friesen's fish tanks and I saw this one little white fish swimming in a panicked fashion at the glass. He didn't stop either, he just kept going because he was going insane trying to get out of his tank. And then I looked at all the other fish and they're just drifting along like dumb asses and not doing anything at all.
This kind of made me think a little bit. What a beautiful gift self awareness is, that we are able to look at our own selves and change what we do and decide how we want to spend our time. Animals can't do that for the most part, they just do what it takes to live and they move on.
Anyway, I felt for this little fish and I wanted him to accomplish his little fishy goal because knowing the track record of Mr. Friesen fish I knew he didn't have much longer. So I reached my hand into the tank and grabbed him by the tail. I turned around and nobody seemed to notice what I had done, so I turned back to the tank and pulled the fish out. I threw it out the window. Now he was free. The fish was able to go out into the big world and do what he pleased whenever he pleased! After I threw him out the window he grew wings, of course. Have you ever thrown a fish out a window? Well I have and that's what happens. He turned around in the air and said
And he said that in a deep mystical creature voice. Like Aslan's. After that he told me I could have anything I wanted, and you know what I asked for? A ride on his fucking back. And he did it.
And yes that picture if completely legit. I had one of the dumbass fish take the picture with my magic camera that pictures text on a black and white filter. Don't judge me because I talk in Comic Sans.
My point in all this is that if we're playing that game where you tell people what you haven't done and if they've done it they lose which doesn't make sense because people who have done more should be rewarded, then I'll win because I'll be all like "I've never NOT ridden on a fucking majestic-ass fish with wings that I saved from a life of drudgery." I don't know if I used the word drudgery right in that sentence. Just pretend I used the word poopery. Which is a Marcus official word, by the way.
I'm trying to decide how to react to the animals dying everywhere. I'm hoping that it's God replacing all the animals with Pokemon. Because that would be awesome. I would change my last name to Oak and name my child Professor. And then make him name my grandson Gary. Fuck yes. Also, I hope this is a good enough excuse to let my mom know I don't like eating fish.
I keep doing this thing where I half yawn a lot. I have no idea why it's happening. Maybe I'm only half tired.
I want to try some kind of project. Like, using this blog thingamabob. Maybe in the future. When robots are everywhere. Just kidding, less in the future.
OH WAIT I ALREADY HAVE A PROJECT IT'S T-SHIRTS. I'll get me some photoshop today and then you guys need to tell me if you want one after I put the design up. As of right now I'm thinking the design will be a fish (not necessarily like the one above) with a hollow part in the middle and inside the hollow part is a guy with his head in his knees lookin' all sad like. Let me know what you guys think.
Oh god, I just read the newest Cyanide and Happiness and I feel slightly obligated to show you.
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
I guess great comic minds think alike? Or in Comic Sans.
Anyway, that is all. I encourage you guys to let me know how I'm doing with this blog thingy. Leave a comment or contact me on facebook! You can also reach me at my lovely phone number on my facebook, or follow me, @StickAndLeaf on twitter!
Your friend who may or may not be naked at the moment,
Marcus ♥
No comments:
Post a Comment